My Mom called me the other day to see if there was any particular reason why I hadn't updated my blog lately. She had good reason to check in with me. When I am physically ill or just really sad I tend to stop communicating, in any form. Sometimes the effort it takes to talk or smile is more than I have to give. It doesn't happen often but when it does you know I am sad (or pregnant).
Well rest assured because I am not sick, pregnant, or sad. I am just being lazy, and our old computer is complicating the picture uploading. Seriously though L to the A-Z-Y, I have started just watching movies in the evening...without ironing or folding or anything....just sitting by Darin and watching. AND if I am too tired to wake up at 5:45 am to work out I am allowing myself to sleep in until 6:45 ish (whenever Miriam wakes me up). After M has left for school and Darin is gone to work I put a movie on for the boys and THEN work out. Scandalous right?!? AND I have been taking a sleeping pill (OTC) on Saturday nights so I purposely sleep in until 8:00 on Sundays. WHAT?!? AND I started doing yoga even though there is a part of my mind worried that I am not burning enough calories to spend time doing it, not to mention the meditation time where you just lay on your back thinking about nothing BUT I LIKE IT!
I am not sure I want to go back to the way I use to do things....and yet I feel massive guilt too. Some women have super efficient organized homes. Some women get college degrees, or work in their free time. Some women put on school musicals or fight poverty.
If it weren't for the guilt of what I "should be" doing this lazy lifestyle would feel perfect. I am so much more calm with the kids, so much more flirty with Darin, not depending on chocolate chips so much for happiness. Do we really always need to be "anxiously engaged" to be living well? I would rather just be cheerfully present.
